The APM World Cup of Christmas project managers from the movies

We all know that Santa's workshop is one the great project management offices (PMOs). But which ‘project manager’ from eight movies – all the subject of recent ‘Offline’ features in Project journal – would make the best Santa, overseeing it all?

First off, let’s get the elephant out of the room. There are readers right now huffing that Santa’s workshop is very much a ‘business as usual’ operation, repeating established processes to deliver against predictable and well-understood objectives.

But even in the stoniest of project management taxonomy hearts, there must be a tiny glimmer of Christmas cheer that accepts the idea that, every year, Santa marshalls his team, deploys his resources afresh and meets the specific and changing needs of a new cohort of key stakeholders. Try telling little Jenny or Fred that their stockings were filled thanks to business-as-usual systems refined for optimum efficiency, rather than because St Nick weighed their behaviour during the year and judged them worthy.

Let’s get down to the real debate. If we accept that this massive annual undertaking requires a decent project manager to see it through, which movie project managers would cut the mustard as Santa?

Let’s weigh up the candidates from Die Hard, Matilda the Musical, The Truman Show, Shaun of the Dead, In The Loop, Armageddon, Elf and Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. We’ve run them through a series of head-to-heads in what can only be described as the APM World Cup of Christmas project managers from the movies.

Crimbo quarter-finals

Game one pits Hans Gruber, the villainous mastermind of the Nakatomi Plaza heist in Die Hard, against Miss Trunchbull, villainous mastermind of a corrupt and abusive school in Matilda the Musical. This has been a kind draw for both contestants. Neither is particularly strong on the ‘jolly PR’ side of things – and since both are wont to random acts of violence, they risked immediate elimination to a friendlier face.

Trunchbull comes into the match with the disadvantage of being horrible to children, the principal stakeholder group. Gruber would seem to dominate with his superior planning; and he specifically references “Christmas miracles” in his movie. Plus, he’s already got the beard. But Trunchbull builds dozens of new cells for naughty pupils overnight – and that kind of rapid project execution is a must-have for any wannabe Santa. She edges it in extra time.

Game two pits Christof, the TV producer controlling Jim Carrey’s life in The Truman Show, against Shaun from Shaun of the Dead. They have heavily contrasting styles.

We love Shaun’s clarity on his project goals and his ability to deploy agile techniques as the circumstances of the zombie apocalypse complicate his mission. But this was never in doubt. Christof project managed a fabricated life for the entertainment of the entire world. The judges are unanimous: that’s the kind of scale and scope that the North Pole project demands. A walkover. Sorry, Shaun; back to the Winchester for a pint, mate.

Game three sees Karen Clark, the anti-project manager looking to stop a war in In The Loop, drawn at home to Dan Truman, Billy Bob Thornton’s project leader in Armageddon. Honestly, it doesn’t look like the winner is going to come from this tie. Both these project managers are deeply political, Clark trying to derail rivals in Washington DC and Truman attempting to dovetail sponsors and a project team that look incapable of alignment… to save the world! Not very Christmassy.

A bore draw then? Neither project goes particularly well, and the Santa job isn’t the place for tricky machinations, cynicism and a lot of shouting. On penalties, Truman gets through simply because the premise of Armageddon is so ridiculous (oil rig workers digging holes in asteroids), as is delivering millions of toys overnight.

By contrast, the last quarter-final is the match-up of the round. It’s Buddy from Elf versus Rufus, the time-travelling mastermind running the grand project in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Clearly Buddy has a huge advantage here: he knows the North Pole set-up, he’s dealt with project variations to prove his agile chops and he knows the stakeholders both inside the organisation and out in the wider community.

But Rufus is the kind of project manager who can bring fresh insight to the task. He’s mastered time travel, which should make the ridiculous delivery schedules more manageable. He’s dedicated to the project purpose – “be excellent to each other”. And he’s also got a beard already. A clash of the titans, then – and a surprising away win.

Santa semis

Miss Trunchbull v Truman Show auteur Christof. Two seasoned veterans, one from the world of education, the other an entertainment mogul. Both fields demand superb and highly disciplined project approaches. Do we need Santa Claus to demonstrate experience with children and a win-at-all-costs mentality? Or does the ‘Christmas Eve Project’ require creative thinking and a touch of class?

It's a hard call, but ultimately the North Pole factory is surely a massive undertaking, with millions of elves and project dependencies all over the shop(floor). Trunchbull can get projects done fast and with iron discipline. But Christof is used to working on a global scale with a massive project team. In the end, Trunchbull’s defence gets broken down and it’s the ‘W’ for the Truman Show.

In the other half of the draw, it’s Bill & Ted mentor Rufus against NASA hard man Truman from Armageddon. The bookies have Rufus as the massive favourite here, and no wonder. Truman’s experience of space travel ought to give him a chance. How else do you think Santa gets around the world that fast? But, in the end, it’s Rufus, with the jolly, calm demeanour and box of time-travel tricks, who coasts into the final.

Fairytale final

The Santa Project is all about making dreams come true. The purpose is joy; the PMO is well established; the requirement is disciplined project execution, but with a “ho ho ho” beneath it all. Rufus is all sentiment, purpose and clarity. Christof is organisation, discipline and delivery. One delegates brilliantly (to Bill and Ted). The other is hands on with his project team at all times (in the Truman Show control room).

It's a thriller of a match-up, a true clash of styles. So how do they measure up on the principles of a project?

Specific: deliver toys to all the good girls and boys. Rufus’s project in Bill & Ted is very specific – save the “most excellent” future. The Truman Show does strike one as a business-as-usual mission evolving from day to day. Rufus scores first.

Measurable: did everyone have a happy Christmas? Tough one to check. But Rufus can journey into the future to see how his project turns out. Christof relies on ratings to judge his. Good xG from both, but no goals.

Achievable: Santa has to travel at 0.5% the speed of light (says Leicester University). Is that doable? We don’t doubt Christof would come up with a creative solution. But it’s just not doable without Rufus’s tech. It’s 2-0!

Relevant: a world in need of Christmas spirit. Times are hard and unsettling. Rufus knows what this is like and certainly wants to rectify it. But remember the scene at the end of The Truman Show where Truman escapes and the whole world breaks into tears of joy? Now that’s a project to cheer humanity. It’s a late comeback! 2-1!

Time-bound: it’s all over on the morning of 25 December. Both project leaders face time pressures. Both end up delivering their projects to a satisfying conclusion. But Bill and Ted secure their project under Rufus’s tutelage right on deadline – whereas Christof’s endless project finishes in its own time. Oh! Some people are on the pitch! They think it’s all over… it is now.

Our new Santa is Rufus! A most excellent outcome for the Santa Project – the North Pole PMO is surely in good hands. And, after all, George Carlin, who played Rufus, even started to look like St Nick in his later years. Perfect.

Happy Christmas to all.